Aperture


Washed gray skies fill the large panes; she notes the unfamiliar color as she enters. The broad portal pervades the wall from floor to ceiling. Weathered walnut confronts the cool murky canvas it frames. She sees the window is open a few inches from the bottom. Standing before it, meeting ghost eyes, she stares through to the neighboring roof.

She shivers. A message delays from spirit to flesh. Impulsively, she pushes the window down from the lower pane’s top sash, but it doesn’t close completely.

As she steps back, beginning to turn toward the doorway, her eyes remain tethered to the window. She studies the condition and, returning to the frame, squats down to the bottom sill. With total weight, she pushes it to shut and bounces up to lock it at the junction.

She leaves the room.

smf

 

the Solstice

tender limbs seek relief

not from a foretime’s impetuous work weeding beds

a different, deep, enthralling ache bellows from my core

i long to be with him

to laugh, beam in a concert of rapture

indubitable joy in hewed lines on our faces

burrow tight dancing to phantom music

sit under a canopy of magnolia inspirit with sweet fragrance

touching fingertips

softly embracing

possibility

such afternoon of unencumbered

bliss, a yearning so urgent

my lashes wet with anticipation

there i pause

does his mental palace brim with equal urgency

thus grounds for the sudden stir?

if an invisible tie should bind

where shall i find reprieve?

truth portrays brighter

than fiction

maybe this is nothing

perhaps he is everything

the Solstice awaiting our return

~smf

 

There was nowhere to go but everywhere, so just keep rolling under the stars. 

Jack Kerouac

Nesting…

1) As you wake up, offer self-compassion. Take deep breaths of gratitude to soothe your heartbeat as you rise. Think of at least one thing to be grateful for each new day and focus on it for several moments. Open all the window shades, pull the curtains away. Let the light in.
………………..
2) Shower daily and put on clean clothes, even if that means changing into a fresh set of pajamas! Hygiene is paramount. One thing I introduced to my self-care routine about a year ago is finishing a shower with a cold-water rinse. This has been scientifically proven to reduce stress levels, wake your body up inducing a higher state of alertness, and incur a more robust immune response because it increases the number of white blood cells in your body. I started with a few seconds and now stand under a cold shower several minutes each morning. For me, it even reduces headaches and body aches almost instantaneously as well as ease in breathing, especially during allergy season. Happy cells renewed in your body will thank you! Brush your teeth, then drink some water.
………………..
3) Hydration is also essential. Treat yourself and drink water in a fancy glass. Another part of my morning routine is drinking hot water with fresh-squeezed lemon juice. This jump-starts my system with a hefty dose of vitamin C and aids in digestion before that first cup of coffee.
………………..
4) Whether swept into waves of a pandemic or simply grounding our spirit to embrace daily challenges, meditation provides the key to balancing harmony within. Spirituality comes in many packages, and it is up to your intuitive guidance to find what works for you. I was raised Catholic, and prayer is a meditation I do every day. Rosaries, mala beads, there are different ways to count prayers in world religions. Just taking a few minutes sitting in stillness, observing your breath, and blessing the chakras can help quiet the mental chatter and balance energy inside for better flow.
………………..
5) Music energizes, comforts, inspires. Play music all day in the kitchen or whatever space your work takes you.
………………..
6) Sustenance fuels you up. Prepare healthy meals by grabbing a few ingredients from the pantry and search for a new recipe to try on the internet. If you are financially-able, order take-out from a local small business who is hurting right now with all these closures. Pay it forward and leave an extra tip for them too.
………………..
7) Connect gently. First, check-in on the heartbeats in your home. Offer compassion to another by texting someone you love or calling at least one friend a day. Reach out and have actual conversations, making genuine connections. Know that we are in the first days of rewiring community and local consciousness.
………………..
8) Keep healthy boundaries so you can be physically aware of your space, and know when to turn off work and spend time taking care of yourself and your loved ones. Refrain from working in bed! Let everyone designate their space in the household, we’re going to be like this for a bit.  Take little breaks throughout the day. Unplug from your work, and try not to let it drain your energy. That goes for social media and online messaging, too, as you may find it hard to disconnect once you get hooked in. You don’t need to be bombarded by the media scene. Make that commitment each day to just unplug and surrender.
………………..
9) Get up, stretch out, make some tea or coffee. Have a snack. Do some breathing exercises, yoga, or meditation. Continue to check in with yourself and your mindset. This will help you remain present and keep track of time. Or take a nap. Allow your body to stop and rest as needed.
………………..
10) Weather permitting take at least one walk or bike ride daily, play, hike, get a healthy dose of natural vitamin D. Dance, create, read, write letters to people, do the things you have wanted to catch up on. Make movie-time 4-6 pm.
We are being called to clean up. This time we have to clean house before taking on a new life. The road ahead is full of challenges – and opportunities. We will learn a way to create better human spaces through all this. Let’s use this time-out to start fresh and begin with a consciousness of self. It all starts from within. – SMF

 

as she looked into her past,

she noticed that the road

she had traveled was

no simple straight line.

her journey toward fully

loving herself and the world

was full of forward and

backward movement,

twists, turns, detours,

and even some pauses.

at times, she doubted her progress,

her potential, and even

her power to change.

but today, with the

wisdom of experience at hand,

she knows she could not have gotten

to where she is without every

movement she has ever made.

from inward by yung pueblo

 

watercolor by Marcos Beccari

 

Renascence

Observed from a distance below the surface, she is concealed by inky blue, limbs kicking free, ripples surround.

Head submerged with a beacon of sun, befall the baptism.

She surfaces from the spotlight and swims to the short berth where a companion awaits. Not so pure the mix and live with anticipation, Golden wags wildly, seeing her after playing obedient guardian of the towel. 

She dries, dancing on the dock in exciting reunion with her best friend as he jumps, laps, and butts into her legs like a baby doe. The truest young love anyone can see. The observer feels alliance even from afar.

Missteps in time, now she is facing the lake floor, quietly floating away, a flat balsa lifeless and calm.

Golden is wild, barking bravery wasted on the dock of departure. Moments lost for any words, thoughts, apperception.

Sight within, another birth to parlay.

The observer is wet too.

~ SMF

watercolor by Marcos Beccari

Now

Now

The knot in my stomach

tightens

squeezing tears, dripping

like a soaked towel left on the clothesline in

pouring rain twisted

in clenched fists.

I’ve missed you so much

just as you miss him

now still here, yet not

Forcing myself to remember better

times at the playground I no longer recognize

modern mounds of green short of chained pleasures

smaller and tighter

Dolly in her stroller, she used to sit and swing

secure next to me as you kept watch

all ghosts there now

We, in our world playing with dolls

at that park

in the living room, on the kitchen table

I hold onto the grainy snapshots

as you sit near me no longer here

Now you cower alone in the kitchen

listening to melodies of his native tongue

understood better than when he spoke to you

And you cry as I cry

gripping, face twisted and squeezed

wishing he would visit you in this desolate place

while all I want is your eyes to return

to see a pretty sunrise

or a robin pecking in the yard

I know you cannot, will

not allow yourself such pleasures

Angry words burn

in my head as I realize we are

the same

guilt and loss, a penance

boring holes too deep to fill with

empty words now

SMF

 

The early dawn speaks in moody color

Awakening with a recollection of my lunar mother

As she flew to my throat, this master of disguise

Determined to soften, to illuminate a vernal path of light

Wealth in blind faith, I will follow.

 

Nocturnal luster flutters forth, and I can see clearer now

Enchantment from the shadow depths

Change is apparent as I question purity at hand

Intuitive birth beginning from a mere thought

Wealth in blind faith, I do follow.

 

Spoken words from within rising to my lips

A collective emerges

Under the velvet moon we rise, voices void of sound, rich in color

Drawing innermost shadows to the canvas

Wealth in blind faith, we follow.

 

Searching for balance and beauty, a portal sought

In realms of truth and trust

Passage to where though? dare I ask

Uncertainty reigns under the velvet moon

But wealth in blind faith, I still follow.

 

~Sonya M. Fitzmaurice

 

From this morning


Snow flutters like glitter in the wind, so pretty in the rising sun. I see this through the kitchen window as hands busy in the sink; eyes captivated, my mind drifts then directs.

A New Year is here. Time to review and renew, embrace and embark. A fresh list of agreements assemble. All for daily livelihood, goals to thrive and sponsor my well-being:

Everything I do needs to ascend from my heart. Feel passionate and proceed, beyond the familiar, out on that limb. Harness the fear and reach eagerly for the fruit. Be true to myself and spirit without regret. 

Keep peering outside of the box to notice new things to test and taste, friendships to form. Venture further. Hug happiness in blessed surprise. 

Share some of me with kindness, sustenance, generosity, and love. Enjoy each day as a Gift. 

Keep the Inner Core strong and still; endure and release emotion with complete abandon to cleanse Spirit and move along. Live in this precious moment.

Always forgive, especially myself and the Ghosts.

My heart beats quicker. The glory outside exhilarated by the sudden wind resolves the promise. 

I inhale deeply, mindful with energized force and grace. May I expand my awareness so that nothing, absolutely nothing, escapes my attention. Amen.

~ SMF ~